Tam (34) lives in Rotterdam and grew up in Leiden. He works as an engineer at a consultancy firm and is active as a producer and rapper at Stackademics. Together with his father, he worked on the book Verdreven naar de zee (Driven to the Sea), which tells the stories of Vietnamese people who fled by boat in the late 1970s and early 1980s and ended up in the Netherlands. This project not only brought them closer to their family history but also strengthened their bond as father and son.
“I grew up in Leiden, a relatively quiet city. My childhood was balanced, with loving parents and a close bond with my older and younger sisters. Home was always warm, and I had many friends at school. Basketball played a big role in my youth and was one of my biggest passions.
Music always fascinated me, but music lessons weren’t for me. Instead, I started experimenting with the guitar on my own, which grew into an out of control hobby. Music became a key part of my life, and now I even perform.
My parents valued education highly but also allowed room for music and sports. They never saw it as a serious career, so they were surprised by how far I’ve come with Stackademics.”
“My father came to the Netherlands in the early 1980s, about six years after the fall of Saigon. He fled by boat with his older brother and a nephew, the son of his sister. Most Vietnamese people fled around that time due to the new oppressive regime. My uncle even spent six years in a re-education camp. It was only after his release that they could escape.
My father and fellow refugees were rescued by a Dutch ship. However, they weren’t allowed to go directly to the Netherlands. Instead, they had to stay in a refugee camp in Singapore for three months while awaiting their asylum procedure before finally being allowed to come to the Netherlands.”
“My mother’s side of the story is just as remarkable. My mother came to Belgium through a family reunification program where her family already lived. My grandfather went missing during the war and was unfortunately never found. My grandmother was a single mother of ten children. She had a difficult life and eventually passed away at a young age, likely due to the immense stress she endured. Although my mother isn’t featured in the book, I’ve learned a lot about her history. Understanding her traumas and experiences helped me grasp the impact of war on people’s lives.
In the mid-80s, my father was an activist advocating for freedom and justice for the former South Vietnamese people left behind. At an event, he met my mother’s brother—who, to his surprise, turned out to be his old school friend from Vietnam. He had never imagined seeing someone from that time again. That encounter led to him connecting with his friend’s sister, my mother. The rest is history. It still blows my mind when I think about it.”
“As a child, I didn’t think much about it, but my father and I lived parallel lives. He was there, but our interactions were minimal. He’d come home in the evening, read the newspaper, and that was it. As I got older, I started feeling the gap. In high school, I expected more from him, and it frustrated me that he wasn’t really present in my life. That distance remained even into adulthood. It was disappointing not to have a strong bond with him. That only changed with the Untold Stories project. Since then, we talk more, exchange ideas, and I’m getting to truly know him. It has given our relationship a new dimension.
With my mother I always had a close bond. She was the more involved parent, always present in our lives. I couldn’t have asked for a better mom.”
“During the COVID-19 pandemic, my relationship with my father started to change. He had little contact with others and would start conversations with me whenever I visited. He wanted to document his story and realised that many Vietnamese people of his generation had never shared their experiences—not with the outside world, and often not even with their own children.
He wanted to change that. That deeply moved me. I knew parts of my own family’s story, but what about others? I wanted to learn and conduct interviews.
My father and I started a blog, Untold Stories, where we published accounts from the Vietnamese community and opinion pieces on topics like integration and the experiences of Vietnamese boat refugees. Our stories are unique and deserve to be told.
At some point, someone in my father’s network suggested turning it into a book. That idea resonated with him, especially since he works in a library. That’s how we got in touch with Walburg Pers, a publishing house specialising in anthropology and history. The book Driven to the Sea was released in April 2025.”
“I find it special that this is not only my family history but also provides insight into the struggles my parents endured to eventually settle in the Netherlands. They didn’t leave Vietnam without reason. Learning about this history was a profound experience—sometimes confronting and painful, but it gave me a deeper understanding of their perspective. It showed me how they deal with hardship and how they view life in general.
This has not only deepened my appreciation for my parents but also for the Vietnamese community as a whole. I’ve gained many valuable insights, especially about Vietnamese history and the events that forced people to flee.”
“Before, we barely communicated—we didn’t talk about feelings or personal matters. In our family, there was a clear hierarchy: parents were the authority, and as a child, you didn’t contradict them. The idea of being friends with your father was unthinkable.
But during this process, my father began to open up about his past and emotions. That was special to me. I discovered that he is much more empathetic than I had thought. His stern tone and brief responses didn’t come from a lack of feeling but from a past filled with war, chaos, and trauma. Showing vulnerability was never an option for him, it was equated with weakness.
Now, I see a different side of him. He has emotions, he has traumas—just like everyone else. And the fact that he shares them with me is something I cherish. It has deepened our bond.”
“For me, it is essential to keep telling the history of Vietnamese boat refugees. It has become a part of my identity. We are not here by chance, there have been significant events that brought us to the Netherlands. These stories must not be forgotten.
This project has also made me feel grateful. Peace, safety, and freedom are not things to be taken for granted. My parents made sacrifices so that I could grow up in a country where these things are a given. It has taught me that life can be difficult at times, but perseverance and fighting for a better future are important. Things often get worse before they get better.”
“If there’s one thing I’d like to pass on to others, especially young people, it’s this: build a stronger bond with your parents. Take that first step, no matter how difficult it feels. Often, we don’t know where to begin, and that’s okay. But simply showing interest can already be a signal to your parents.
In Vietnamese culture, there is a saying that you don’t burden others with your problems. This often means that our parents keep their stories to themselves. But if you show them that you want to listen, they may slowly begin to open up.
Don’t force it. Give them the space to share their story at their own pace. Step by step, you’ll notice that they start sharing more.”
“This book is not just for the Vietnamese community in the Netherlands, it is also a way to share our stories with the broader Dutch society. Many people know little about the Vietnamese community here. This book provides an opportunity to put them in the spotlight.
We are more than the stereotypes of ‘the quiet Asians.’ We are artists, musicians, leaders. For example, in the workplace, I still see very few people like us in leadership positions. I am also trying to change that by taking an active role myself.
I hope this book inspires others. Even for Vietnamese youth who know little about their roots, it can be a source of support. Even if talking to their parents is difficult, they can still learn something about their family history through the stories in this book.”
What message do you want to leave with others?
“What is often called the ‘refugee crisis,’ I see as a crisis of war and violence. People don’t flee their homes for no reason, it is disrespectful and demeaning to call it that.
This book shows that behind every refugee story, there is a person. Someone with dreams, a history, and hope. And it is important that these stories are heard.”
Follow Onvertelde Verhalen on Instagram. Check their website, buy the book Verdreven naar Zee online or at your local bookstore.
Tam Ngo’s TV show tip:
The Sympathizer HBO
Rui Jun Luong (1996), raised in Friesland, has faced discrimination and racism. As a multidisciplinary designer, photographer, videographer, creator of Guess Who: Asian Edition, and founder of Asian Raisins, she works to raise awareness of injustice, racism, and discrimination. Through the creation of this platform, she hopes to prevent others from experiencing what she went through.
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